Another "last" to the list of human experiences

A not-going-to-draft-it-out-and-edit-it-to-death post. About? My last day teaching at a public high school.

I thought I'd be prancing around on this day. The only thing that got me through was the 50-song playlist I made that was ultra-nostalgic for every moment I've lived the past two years of my life, good and bad.

Pathetic, really.

But, I think today felt like my first days of teaching. Weird, huh? The first and last days make you experience the full spectrum of human emotions. I felt in no particular order and not always one at a time: frustrated, disappointed, depressed, ecstatic, proud, let down, frantic, determined, accomplished, and like a failure.

I think that's how it's supposed to be. I really hope everyone at some point in their life gets the opportunity to teach, especially a large group of people that are entirely different from themselves.  My dad laughed at me when I first told him I was going to be a teacher, a high school teacher at that. He said I didn't have patience and was just a kid myself. He was right on both accounts. Patience is not what I thought it was. But I think I might have actually acquired it now. Maybe.

Despite the fact the attendance office STILL didn't recognize me for a teacher just last week, I do feel like I EARNED my respect here, thank you. :D

I still have mixed feelings about how much I accomplished while I was here. Many teachers will tell you that if you only manage to make a difference with some kids and ignite something in them, you've done your job. I still don't know if that's true. The saddest part of this whole experience was realizing you can do your best, and you can care all you want, to the point where it's like you're caring for someone more than they care for him or herself, but in the end, you have a limit. Everyone does. :/ My first year I was the most physically and mentally worn out I've ever been in my life from caring so much. And if you knew me in college, you'd find that hard to believe.

In the end, I know I did make lasting effects on some, but I gave up on just as many. And that makes me feel awful. I don't know. I gave a couple of my students from both years here a book today with a note. It was the first book I felt I really enjoyed teaching because the students really felt they connected to it, and I had chanced upon it only a year earlier and seen the author speak in person. It made me feel good because I hope they'll keep it forever and ever...and ever...and remember their first years of high school. The kids I did make an impact on let me know these past few months..and it's nice to know that I'll keep making a difference in their lives.

I hope and plan on teaching someday again in the future, but it's over for now. All in all, I don't regret it, and that's why I wish everyone could get to do this once. You'll learn things about yourself you never thought you had.

Well. Onto chapter 2 of post-graduation aimlessness. :)

What's in a systemic way of reading books?

I wonder if this is normal:

Actually, I already know it's not. But I wonder if other people do this. So...I can't usually finish reading the last 10-15 pages of books. It's like I get anxious that the author will screw something up. The more I like a book, the less likely I am to read the ending...

It's like I have such a great image of the book, these nice thoughts are buzzing about so nicely in my mind, and here it comes--DEADPAN ENDING. It makes me slightly regret reading it. :( And why would anyone want that?

I'd rather stop before I get to a useless last 15 or less pages that'll ruin the beautiful ending I had created in my own mind. It's my right, dammit, mine!

I need to find a good psychologist to also interpret what this kind of disgusting habit means.

Book review: The Female Brain

The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

If you're of the female gender, you've often found yourself wondering if the things you feel/say/do make any sense at all. Subsequent thoughts of "Am I crazy?" follow.  This book pretty much resolved all these issues.

Broken down into the phases in which a woman's brain develops from conception to teenage years, young adult years, motherhood all the way to post-menopausal, it offers pretty good, succinct insight of what's to come.  I think it's a great read for women at any age. I wish I had read this when I was younger.

Funny enough, this book was a great follow-up to Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. While that book explained the dichotomy between being an introverted/extroverted individual, this book made distinctions based on gender.

The one thing I will say that I did not like about this book was the overall tone. This woman, much like Susan Caine with Quiet , presumes that our gender is the superior one and is very condescending toward men in a way. Sorry, boys.

As with anything that generalizes a huge group of people, I definitely think this book should be read with a "filter" (to quote The Perks of Being a Wallflower. :) Keep in mind not everything applies to everyone, 100% of the time.

View all my reviews

Revival? May...be..

So, I am now 25.  That's a lot of numbers. A lot of years. I've been in denial about my age, but I've been forced to accept it because of one thing:  my declining overall health.

Crappy picture of a delicious meal:
Kidney beans, corn, kale, tomatoes,
 red bell pepper stew.

For so, SO...so long, I've boasted having a near-perfect immunity system.  Last month, I took medicine for the first time. :( Twenty-five years of purity (save for alcohol, which doesn't count, because it's just wheat and stuff :P) down the drain.

This year has brought sickness like no other, including but not limited to: a stomach bug of some sort, headaches (I now fully understand their pain), backaches, stiff joints, colds, runny noses, and well, general fatigue.

Side effects of being 25. They are real. And numerous. And sad. :(

So anyway, about a week ago, Whole Foods posted a "28 Day Challenge" to eat healthier.  Let me go ahead and explain that I hate feeling unhealthy, number one.  I loathe feeling weak and tired, and that's all I've been feeling for the past two months. :(

Also, I don't really agree with vegetarian or vegan lifestyles.  I think life needs balances in everything, so both of these are too dominant on one end of the health spectrum for my liking.  I'll eat junk food and meat to my own pleasing. I think it's normal and healthy to. :P Well, to a limit, of course.

I was attracted to this "Challenge," because to me it seems mostly like a way to re-start your system. Whatever is going on with mine, I feel like it's a car needing an oil change. Whatever is inside my body is not clean. I need to change it.

The "Challenge" is simple. It works around four basic pillars:

1. Eat less processed foods. Things with less artificial flavorings, preservatives, etc.
2. Eat more vegetables, especially the really green stuff, and natural fruits. As much color and greens as you can get in. (Natural, of course)
3. Eat more micronutrients. I had to look this up. This list helps...A LOT. Essentially, foods that have as many nutrients packed in them per calorie as possible.
4. Eat only healthy fats, if at all.  Cook with olive oil, eat vegetables with the "good" fats (avocados, nuts, etc.)

So, I think it's going to go well.... I'm by no means an avid cuisinist.  I don't really like cooking, even though I'm actually a good cook (others can vouch for me, promise!).  I'm too impatient, and I want food HERE. NOW.

Ok, well.  First entry in about 2-3 years. :)  All part of "Karina's changing her life in 2012" plan.